As part of our continuing appreciation for how tough our passengers seem to be, we have redesigned our seating to better accommodate what happen a few days ago.
We've also announced a new slogan we believe you all will agree with: "We're United Airlines F/U!"
Oh... and this JUST-IN: Pentagon awards contract to United Airlines to forcibly remove Assad!
The Pentagon announced Tuesday it had awarded a sole-source contract to United Airlines for work related to the forcible removal of President Bashar al-Assad from Syria.
The contract, worth $2.1 billion, tasks the airline company with locating Assad, grabbing him from his seat in the presidential palace, and “dragging him out of Damascus by his arms.” The contract also notes that Assad should be “asked several times, politely” to give up his seat of power, though if he refuses, United workers should bloody his nose up a bit, according to the posting at FedBizOpps.